YeahWrite Fiction|Poetry #457 – This Is Just To Say

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A. E. Bratchford — Author & Poet

YeahWrite Fiction|Poetry #457 – This Is Just To Say

January 11, 2020

I noticed
on my morning
walk

You
so sneaky

Gazing at that necklace
just to take it
as your own

I pondered
while walking
if to stop
you

Here
I am

You
must stop
or be stopped

Forgive me
you will now
be
incinerated

Written for this weeks YeahWrite Fiction | Poetry grid with the prompt ‘The main character (MC) sees someone about to commit a minor crime. Do they use their superpower or not?‘ and an optional technique to use based on a poem by William Carlos Williams.
I attempted the technique but extended it a little for my story…

13 responses to “YeahWrite Fiction|Poetry #457 – This Is Just To Say”

unfoldingfromthefog

January 17, 2020 at 2:33 pm

I liked the voice of this: so moral but impersonal. Then the surprise of incineration. Fun!

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1. Anna Elizabeth
  
  January 17, 2020 at 3:13 pm
  
  Thank you so much!
  
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Jen Mierisch

January 17, 2020 at 12:54 pm

I love how this progressed and how it ended. Instant karma for the thief!

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1. Anna Elizabeth
  
  January 17, 2020 at 1:12 pm
  
  Thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
  
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Michael

January 17, 2020 at 8:40 am

I gotta love poetry that ends in incineration. Nicely done! 🙂

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1. Anna Elizabeth
  
  January 17, 2020 at 12:18 pm
  
  Thank you! 🙂
  
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innatejames

January 17, 2020 at 6:58 am

Loved the playfulness of the verbification of “covert” and the second person POV. Generally, putting a single word on a line shines a bright light on it to the reader. It’s a great technique to pivot into THE BIG POINT or to highlight a significant word, like how you hit almost every “You” in the poem. So the word “so” on its own line didn’t work for me because I think it’s describing the “you”‘s actions and is dependent on “coverting”, as in “Coverting that necklace just so.”

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1. Anna Elizabeth
  
  January 17, 2020 at 12:21 pm
  
  Thank you so much for your comment! I’m glad most of it worked for you.
  Looking back I can see how the ‘so’ doesn’t work – the issue makes sense. I think I’ll have a look at reworking it a little, I’m curious to see what I’d do with it. Thank you again! 🙂
  
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  1. innatejames
    
    January 17, 2020 at 12:30 pm
    
    You may also want to consider changing “coverting”. It is so close to “covet” and “convert” that on first glance it reads as a typo.
    
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  2. Anna Elizabeth
    
    January 17, 2020 at 12:42 pm
    
    Yeah, you have a point there – I’ve changed the wording a little so it might read better. I tested that last ‘you’ on it’s own line as well but it didn’t quite work
    Thank you so much for your suggestions
    
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northie

January 17, 2020 at 3:34 am

Wow – I never thought of combining the two tasks. To my ears, having two ‘so’s close together lessens the impact of the second. You meant that to be the more important, I imagine.

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1. Anna Elizabeth
  
  January 17, 2020 at 12:24 pm
  
  If I’m honest I was a little nervous about doing it myself, my brain justy sorta went ‘what the heck’ and here we are! Looking back at it I can see how the two instances of ‘so’ wouldn’t work. I think I’ll have a look at reworking it to see what happens. Thank you so much for your constructive comment!
  
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Ruby Manchanda

January 17, 2020 at 12:03 am

Such an interesting piece of micro-poetry

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